Internal Drama And It’s Destructive Impact

I recently became aware of a new layer of destruction that I perpetuate on my own. This behavior is separate from the relationship with the one I love even though I make it all about him.   It originates in my head and it generates power through my speaking.   It allows me to maintain the victim position no matter what I do or say.  It justifies every thought that keeps me trapped.  It does a huge disservice to the one I love.  It alienates me from those who support me.

Three friends brought this to my attention on three separate occasions by asking me this very bold question:   “Stephen,  if you didn’t talk about W what would you be talking about?”  All three times, I had no good answer.  One of the three friends suggested that I am addicted to the drama surrounding the relationship that is unraveling and it’s causing me stress in all other aspects of my life.  I think she’s right.

I have now determined not to talk about W so much anymore.  And when I do talk about him I’m starting to notice that I am spinning my own yarn of how things happened so that I look like a saint and he looks like a villain.  As soon as I notice this,  I see that I’m actually creating negative energy about the one I love and I’m spreading it out to anyone willing to listen.  This has to stop completely.

Nobody deserves the perpetuation of drama,  especially when it’s no longer real.