Taking Time Out
The most proactive advice I've seen so far regarding break ups has been complete separation with no communication for as long as is emotionally necessary. Most suggest a minimum of three months, especially if the relationship has been longer than a year. One suggested this plan even for the intention of reunification. The key, apparently, is to reach the space where life appears to be returning back to normal without the partner, where breathing becomes easy, where tears no longer flow, and were the world returns to its axis.
I failed miserably at this plan. My intention was there. In fact, I successfully stayed away for three terrible weeks and felt that I was moving toward some semblance of autonomy. But then he sent me the "I miss you" text and I was back on the hook. What I didn't realize was that during that time of "silence" I was actually feeding ALL of my heartfelt Face Book posts to his site. My emotional rawness interfered completely with the whole point of the no-contact exercise, leaving him annoyed and angry with me without my knowing it.
It's hard to tell where we stand now. I suspect that if there were a chance for love to return, I walked all over it with my Face Book posts. And now I'm wondering if even friendship is possible, based on his extreme guardedness at this time.
My friend Jonathan reaffirmed the importance of letting go and disappearing for a while from the relationship. He claims through personal experience, that EVERYONE eventually returns--most likely too late.
I don't want this relationship to end. I never did.
But I do want it to function and to grow into something amazing if there is ever the possibility of it doing so. I'm clear that he is not interested in the same thing at this time.
And that's painful to watch.
I failed miserably at this plan. My intention was there. In fact, I successfully stayed away for three terrible weeks and felt that I was moving toward some semblance of autonomy. But then he sent me the "I miss you" text and I was back on the hook. What I didn't realize was that during that time of "silence" I was actually feeding ALL of my heartfelt Face Book posts to his site. My emotional rawness interfered completely with the whole point of the no-contact exercise, leaving him annoyed and angry with me without my knowing it.
It's hard to tell where we stand now. I suspect that if there were a chance for love to return, I walked all over it with my Face Book posts. And now I'm wondering if even friendship is possible, based on his extreme guardedness at this time.
My friend Jonathan reaffirmed the importance of letting go and disappearing for a while from the relationship. He claims through personal experience, that EVERYONE eventually returns--most likely too late.
I don't want this relationship to end. I never did.
But I do want it to function and to grow into something amazing if there is ever the possibility of it doing so. I'm clear that he is not interested in the same thing at this time.
And that's painful to watch.
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