When Relationships Unravel

Sometimes the best option is simply to be present.  Not thinking about the past.  Not contemplating the future.  Not considering what the heck is being said or not said.  Taking things as they come and as they don't come.  I find myself being at peace more frequently when I can maintin this status.  I can choose to go with the flow without concern.  And when something shows up in my space, like hurt or shame, I can choose to swallow it or spit it out without worry about the ramifications.  Usually, I'm learning, that what's there is simply something in my head that has little or nothing to do with what is actually happening.  This idea of being present clearly doesn't make much sense.  There's no room for justification for all I've gone through so far.  Nor is there room for decision making about the future.  In fact, there seems to be little or no reason for all the fuss.  I get along quite well with this person when I...

What happens when trust crumbles and you both are standing there in the ruins?  You know you cannot trust your partner even though you desperately want to.  You also know that your partner will not trust you either, even though the reasons are completely different. And the truth is that you no longer are partners, even though you still feel a strong connection and there seems to be all kinds of strings attached whether you want them there or not. What do you do?  Walk away?  Make amends?  Rebuild? Continue the charade?  Where do you begin?  The world of advise-givers challenge you to move on--quickly!  Stay away until the wounds heal, they say.  But your heart won't let you. All attempts at reconciliation appear futile as if the entire process of communication has been obliterated by a new language barrier.  Only those failed statements you immediately regretted saying seem to stick and are quickly moved out of context to mean somet...

The most proactive advice I've seen so far regarding break ups has been complete separation with no communication for as long as is emotionally necessary.  Most suggest a minimum of three months, especially if the relationship has been longer than a year.  One suggested this plan even for the intention of reunification.  The key, apparently, is to reach the space where life appears to be returning back to normal without the partner, where breathing becomes easy, where tears no longer flow, and were the world returns to its axis. I failed miserably at this plan.  My intention was there.  In fact, I successfully stayed away for three terrible weeks and felt that I was moving toward some semblance of autonomy.  But then he sent me the "I miss you" text and I was back on the hook.  What I didn't realize was that during that time of "silence" I was actually feeding ALL of my heartfelt Face Book posts to his site.  My emotional rawness interfered com...